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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I bump into my buddy Marko. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he’s started a new business selling homemade jams. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” He’s all excited, talkin’ about his “secret recipe.” I’m thinkin’, “What’s so secret about strawberries and sugar?” But hey, if he can make a buck, more power to him.

FIM Europe at the Night of the Champions in Jastrebarsko (Croatia)